Wow I just read my first blog.  It was definitely to the point and gave you an idea about me but looking back at the state of mind I was in is a little scary.  Currently I am doing much better but that's for another time.  My grandchildren are all growing up so fast and getting so big.  Lia, the grandbaby with so many problems at birth is doing great.  I have been wanting to keep a blog, I guess its like a diary of sorts for someone my age so I am going to try my best to write a little something every day.  Today I am working on a new afghan for my mother, its full of pastel colors and looks just like Easter.  I know she is going to love it. 

I have been struggling with something lately and I am going to confess it here and hope that just by "talking" about it that it will make it all a little easier to handle.  So my 2 grown daughters with families of their own have all been enticed by their father in another state to move back with him, he is paying for everything, bought one a trailer and the other he is selling his house to her and her family.  Well, I have so many issues with that because he has never really been a part of their life and suddenly he is buying them and they are falling for it.  Oh there are other issues as well but I think I have adequately addressed them to my daughter and now I feel like all I can do is sit back and wait to pick up the pieces.  But I don't know, should I do that if it all falls apart?  I don't know, I have always been a very protective mother and this is really tearing me up inside.  I only want my kids to be happy and I suppose I have done my job and taught them right from wrong and good from bad so now I should just let them make their own mistakes.  But the other part of me feels very left out and forgotten.  After all, it was me who was there when they were sick, crying, sad or had problems they needed help with. Now I feel like I am being discarded, I know your probably thinking I am being selfish and that they need to be able to have that relationship with their father and I do agree, I have always encouraged that but I suppose its the way this is all happening that has me so bothered.  When my one daughter got down there my ex actually bought my 5 year old grandson his own shotgun and took him out within the hour of arriving to shoot it.  I was so horrified.  I just worry I guess maybe for nothing but its what I do best.  My daughter says, we don't worry Momma, because you worry enough for everyone.  I guess she is right.

My granddaughter that I am raising, well one of them, is really starting to act out now.  I just don't know if I have the energy to do this again.  I know that my husband and I took them in and everything but I thought my daughter would be helping with them.  Maybe not financially but at least be there.  Instead she has now moved about 1k miles away. 

Well I will try to blog again tomorrow, until then, have a really great day!

Introduction to Me

So I wake up today to the sound of my granddaughters playing in the house, some days its the most beautiful sound others I just want to put the pillow over my head and hide.  A little about me, I am obviously a grandmother, married and suffer from MS as well as Seizures.  I have to tell you that the MS part is the most frustrating part of my life, I never know when its going to rear its ugly head and get a little worse, and then there are those out there who really don't understand it and think, well she looks ok, she's young so why is she in that chair is she just lazy or what?  Its something that bothers me even though it shouldn't and everyone tells me to ignore it but I am the one in the stupid wheelchair and I cant just ignore it.  So anyway, I am in a wheelchair some of the time, the rest of the time I am in my bed.  I don't do much for myself anymore and it really upsets me, I have lost my privacy, my independence and frankly my will to live anymore.  But that's all in my head so my kids tell me, they don't seem to fully understand either.  Its funny how people can be so judgemental when they have no idea what its like for someone like me.  I have gotten to the point that I don't even go out anymore except for doctors appts. and even that tends to give me panic attacks anymore.  I feel so stupid when things like that happen, I apologize to everyone for everything no matter where I am or who they are, I am a loser lol. 

Anyway so my day started as usual, made a few phone calls to get some things going.  Then decided that I would start my very first blog.  Now I know that this is probably all pretty boring but trust me my life if anything but boring.  I get chewed out for nearly everything that happens or doesn't happen around here.  And I have a new granddaughter, her name is Lia, she is 2 months old and a very sick little girl.  She was born with her heart on the wrong side of her chest and if that wasn't bad enough she also has 2 holes in her heart.  Her heart is resting on her lung so that is underdeveloped and the baby is so small because she isn't gaining weight, she is only 7lbs 12 oz. the size of a newborn.  But she is going to have surgery on the 2nd of Sept and I am praying that everything goes well.  I can hardly talk to my daughter because I don't want to upset her by me being upset.  I want to be there with her so badly but its impossible for me to go.  She lives in another state.  So I will just have to stay here and support her via phone. 

Well I suppose that's enough for now, if you have any comments I would love to hear them.  Thanks for reading/listening.